Well folks, at this point I really don’t know why I expected anything else.
Today was a train wreck—minus a small oasis of lovely reconnection with old friends, but mostly a train wreck.
Join me as I embark on a new mini-adventure into the world of adulthood. So far I’ve failed harder than ever before, but you’re welcome to come along for the ride you like brutal (but humorous?) honesty and solid (but humorous?) life lessons.
Things I’ve learned so far:
- If you’re booking a hotel room with someone else’s credit card because you don’t believe in credit cards because Dave Ramsey had more influence on you than your high school economics teacher, make sure to get a credit card authorization form filled out before the day before the reservation. Apparently these things take time. Who knew.
- When in doubt, cash is still king. Apparently.
- Sometimes you really do just need your mom to use The Tone (which is like The Look, but audible, so it works over the phone) to get stuff done. Moms are miracle workers like that.
- Not buying essential things (like clothing) in advance due to “holding out for a better deal in the future” is foolhardy and only results in a last-minute, panic-filled shopping spree full of buying things you don’t love—for three times as much.
- A deer bolting across the road directly in front of your rapidly moving vehicle at the exact moment you’re uttering the words “Maybe these are all signs I shouldn’t be going,” is obviously a coincidence. Haha. That’s silly, stop crying.
- Watch out for deer.
- That guy in the gas station probably isn’t an escaped drug dealer running from the cops who sectioned off that portion of road. . . The grass on the front of his truck and general drug-dealer-esque appearance was also totally a coincidence. Plus, that’s profiling. Stop it.
- Coffee makes a series of unfortunate events a little more adventure-like and a little less “you suck as a human being”-like. A little.
- Perkins really does answer their phone if you let it ring long enough.
- Family is the best invention ever made.
- Writing a witty list of random things directed at people like they’re normal things to experience and prepare for before a conference as an excuse to not pack is a really bad idea. Don’t do that.
- If all else fails, you could probably become a cow-herder.
Proceed at your own risk. See you next time?