How To Un-Stick Yourself When You Get Yourself Stuck
“Unable to move, or set in a particular position, place, or way of thinking.”
—Stuck, according to the dictionary.
Whether you’re writing a book, planting a garden, working a job, buying a house, or trying to resolve interpersonal points of contention, stuck-ness can be anywhere and everywhere. And when it’s present, it’s often accompanied by a sense of overwhelmed despondency due to the fact that you seem to be going nowhere, fast.
However, just because you’re feeling stuck, it doesn’t mean that the rest of The Stuff Of Life will take it easy on you, oh no. If anything, everything piles up faster because of your stationary position—your stuck-ness.
What is there to do?
I have no idea.
Rather, I have no idea what the right answer is. But this is what I do. It varies from situation to situation (am I writing? am I in a snow drift?), so there’s definitely room for interpretation. However, this general layout has proven to be helpful in my own life.
Take from it what you will.
1. Acknowledge the fact that you're stuck.
Denial never helped anyone.
Pretending to be fine when you’re definitely not fine never helped anyone either.
Be honest with yourself and stop spinning your wheels (literally and figuratively—if you’re reading this because your car is stuck, and your wheels are literally spinning, please just stop—you’re making it worse). Either way, trying the same thing over and over and over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Take a step back and recognize the fact that the methods you’re attempting to employ are simply not working for you at this point in time.
That’s okay. Just don’t stay there.
2. Freak out (a little).
People always say not to panic during panic-worthy situations, but is that just another form of denial?
Obviously you don’t want to go into the “I’m breathing into a paper bag and my nervous system is short-circuiting” kind of panic—that’s just counter-productive. However, squashing your emotions and bottling them up inside in the name of “staying calm” can be equally disadvantageous to your spirit, mind, and body.
You already acknowledged that you’re stuck. It’s now time to freak out—productively.
Embrace the panic a little, but in a controlled kind of way. You’re in charge here—don’t let it take over.
Do what it takes to release the emotional build-up that likely caused the majority of your stuck-ness in the first place. You can shout, yell, or scream at the sky or your computer screen, but I believe the best solution is a good old ugly cry. You won’t be able to effectively assess your situation if you’re too busy not-crying because you’re too proud and Capable Of Handling Things.
It’s actual science: when you cry, stress hormones are released through your tears. Not only that, but endorphins (the Happy Hormones we all know and love) are then kicked into production to make you feel better. Don’t stop your body’s natural process for dealing with stress by bottling it all up inside.
Cry for five minutes. Don’t dwell on it. Don’t wallow. Literally just cry it out, rub your eyes in that really satisfying kind of way, and then move on with your day and your life.
Note: You will probably not want to attempt this step in a very public place (such as a board meeting, library, or fast food drive-through) if at all possible. However, others (not saying any names to protect the innocent) have attempted this and thus far survived (yeah, it was definitely me—that poor DQ guy had no idea what he was in for).
3. Freewrite.
After you cry just enough to break through the rainclouds of stressful thoughts and emotions, and the rays of endorphins are starting to break through, start writing. Even if you’re not a writer (maybe especially if you’re not a writer).
Write about anything and everything that pops into your head; don’t worry about grammar, spelling, syntax, flow, or whether or not someone else would get value from what you’ve written—no one ever needs to look at this. Get the remaining thoughts and feelings out of your brain and into your computer, or another preferred device. (Stone tablet and chisel might relieve some anger!)
Somewhere along the way the creative juices start flowing and new thoughts start forming and then all of a sudden—an idea.
It might not be a great idea, or even an especially good one, but it’s an idea. Or maybe it’s less of an idea and more of a general direction to start pushing. Regardless, when you’ve been stuck in the mud (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, or creatively-speaking), even a general direction is a breath of fresh air.
Granted, the whole freewriting component of this would probably be less helpful if you’re physically stuck somewhere (i.e. mud, snow, a gravel road that you tried to turn your vehicle around on before realizing that it was definitely too narrow for that kind of maneuver, or quicksand).
In that situation, verbally processing works, too. Whether you call it brainstorming, spit-ballin’, venting, or any other commonly-used colloquialism, your brain will be freer to create once you release some of that pressure building up from those non-helpful thoughts.
4. Learn from it and show yourself grace.
What got you stuck in the first place?
Were you comparing your creative style to someone else’s? Did you completely underestimate the magnitude of the project you picked up at work? Was the road just too narrow for that vehicle? Did you buy a $50,000 truck, even though you make $29,000 a year and you’re wondering why you can’t get ahead of your finances? Was that innocent-looking patch of sand literally just quicksand?
We get stuck for lots of reasons. Some of them fall on us to take responsibility for, and some of them are due to life just being life (not the $50,000 truck, though—that’s definitely a personal responsibility thing).
So if it’s applicable, take responsibility. Own it. But then learn from it, and be aware of the warning signs the next time a similar situation arises! (Literal warning signs like, “Keep out—quicksand!” would be a great place to start looking.)
As you go about learning from your stuck-ness, be kind to yourself. Don’t go into a cycle of self-condemnation over whatever thing led to you getting stuck. Maybe it was that very same self-condemnation that got you stuck in the first place. Show yourself some grace and learn from it.
Thus ends that.
Self-help-yourself to whatever actionable piece of wisdom you may glean from it.
How do you deal with the feeling of being stuck? Send your tips, tricks, and life hacks my way, por favor, because I’m always looking for new ways to get over myself.