Lots of people have lots of ideas on how to make humanity better. Less general corruption, more motivation to good, less sweaty feet. Some people (probably mostly moms) might even advocate for more limbs with which to carry stuff and children.

I know exactly what I would change, if I could, and I feel absolutely zero remorse for the fact that it’s an unusually selfishly-based decision on my part.

I would give humans the ability to photosynthesize.

Hands-down, this has got to be the single most useful upgrade to the human body since day one (or. . . six, if you follow along with stuff like that). Imagine being able to create your own food from sunlight.

We wouldn’t have to be solely reliant on photosynthesis for sustenance; rather, it would merely be a supplemental option—similar to how a Venus Flytrap utilizes both methods for survival. 

Think about it. Is there a single downside to being able to turn sunlight into food for yourself? Whether you’re stranded on an island, lost in the mountains, or just really hungry on your way home from work, there really could not be a more efficient way to feed humanity on a large scale than photosynthesis.

Even the whole chlorophyll thing is hardly a downside. . . who doesn’t look good in green? Plus, if we’d still be able to consume and digest food as we know it today, I’m sure someone could figure out how to contain the chlorophyll color to a designated part of the body. Chlorophyll tattoos? We’re great at making food into art—this just takes it one step further!

Anyway, this is mostly just selfish because occasionally, when I’m outside with friends, I’ll just kinda take some time to stop and really soak up the sunlight. It sometimes involves just laying down right in the grass to fully take it all in. Concerned, people will frequently ask if I’m okay or not, and my stereotypical answer is “I’m just photosynthesizing.” And believe it or not, I actually get made fun of for what I thought was such an original, witty response! (You’d think more Minnesotans would get the significance of some good sun-time, but I guess not.)

Unfortunately, sunshine sometimes doesn’t love me as much as I love it. Today was our last day at the ocean, and my skin got roasted. Like, roasted. As in, you could gather my closest friends and family around me in order to sound off a slew of the best insults, embarrassing memories, and sick burns in the world, and I would still not be as roasted as I am right now.

Imagine how much energy I would have right now if photosynthesis were a viable option for human beings?

Imagine how un-scathed my skin would be right now? Those palm leaves sitting in the sun all day every day don’t ever have to worry about burning, or after-sun ointment, or 25-hour car rides home with legs that are functioning as incredibly efficient mini-furnaces even though the rest of them is somehow below freezing.

The opportunities are pretty much endless. However, I’m not a science person. In this case, I believe I’m filling the role of “big picture” person. So if you happen to hear of any science people who are looking for some big picture people, please send them my way. Let’s change the world together. Let’s feed the masses together. Let’s create our own oxygen from our own carbon dioxide emissions.

It’s all possible with one word:

Photosynthesis.