Top Three Skills
I can tell you right off the bat what’s NOT one of my top three skills (just to maintain a level of authenticity and humanity, you know), and that would be arbitrarily deciding which three skills I’m truly the best at and that I believe fully describe me.
I’m in the process of overcoming an extreme case of the FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), but my immediate reaction is still to think that maybe these aren’t the right top three skills and that maybe my dream job was riding on me including the word “delegation” instead of “communication” and now I just blew it and can plan on working at McDonald’s my whole life.
However, that’s not a sustainable mindset long-term, so here we are. This was a very stretching process for me and I can already feel myself getting over those pesky fears. Please join me as we explore three of my top skills, multiple character traits, and at least one painfully valuable learning experience.
1) Communicating and Engaging With People
Maybe these are actually two separate skills that I’m trying to smush together because I can’t function within the confines of the three skill rule, but maybe I intentionally chose these because I think they’re both essential sides to the very same coin.
In my mind, “communicating” means conveying a message to a person or persons via writing, speaking, and/or body language. “Engaging with” means to “make an effort to understand and deal with someone or something” (according to this dictionary website whose legitimacy has yet to be determined).
Therefore, in my mind, communicating is to talk, and engaging with is to listen. You can’t be as effective in one without also considering the other. That’s why I’ve strived to develop both sides of this coin/skill over the years.
I specialize in writing as I find it’s easiest to express my thoughts through the written word, and I have the most experience in writing. I’ve written copy for Facebook page and group posts for multiple businesses, websites, email campaigns, Facebook ad campaigns, brochures, and my sister’s text messages that she’s too scared to write herself.
The engaging with part comes in most naturally with spoken kinds of communication. Once upon a time, I went to school for counseling. During that time I honed in on many interpersonal communication techniques such as reflection, active listening, and summarization.
These techniques have all come in handy during my professional interactions, whether it’s one-on-one conversations with customers and using active listening, one-on-lots with public speaking and reading body language, or one-on-the-world while conducting interviews on Facebook LIVE.
I’ve made an effort to engage with people by listening to and understanding their perspective in order to most effectively communicate the message that needs to be communicated.
2) Digging
This is referring to both literal and metaphorical digging.
“Literal digging” meaning the fact that I grew up on a farm, know how to physically dig a hole, and could probably help plant trees at your next community service project.
“Metaphorical digging” referring to the process of asking questions, listening, Googling, researching, and/or seeking out the truth in order to get to the root of. . . whatever topic/question/issue is at hand (including interpersonal situations).
Typically, if I’m working on a project, solving a problem, or trying to think of a better way to do something, I am not satisfied to deal solely with the superficial if I can see that there’s an underlying point of concern.
One of the simplest ways of exemplifying this in my life is found within pretty much any interpersonal interaction ever. A co-worker who was making cutting and hurtful comments for no apparent reason? Instead of reacting with equally destructive comments (that I was sorely tempted to make, let’s be real), I asked a few intentional, genuine questions.
This resulted in them sharing practically their entire life story and explaining why they were struggling that particular evening. It didn’t make their attitude right, obviously, but it showed me the root of the issue – which empowered me to address them on that level instead of wasting time and energy dealing with the external distractions. Ultimately this helps create healthier environments and more effective, longer-lasting solutions.
A different perspective on this same skill is demonstrated in the case of the not-so-simple gift certificates. I needed to set up a way for people to purchase gift certificates for a 1-month access to our membership site; however, there was no preformatted way of doing that within our software.
The simplest option was going to cost the business hundreds of dollars that it wasn’t able to spend, so I conducted extensive research into other options. Once I complied the various findings in an easy-to-read comparison format and presented it, the other parties involved were able to make well-informed, cost-effective decisions.
So whether it’s physical dirt or digital data, I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty with some down-to-earth digging.
3) Fast Learner, Humble Apologizer
Yes, I believe I’m a fast learner. When my parents needed a website built for our family business, I had less than zero knowledge of how websites even functioned, not to mention designing one. However, I was able to learn enough in a short period of time to create one with all the necessary functionality to run an integrated ecommerce store and membership service.
When I was just starting work as a server at a local Italian restaurant, I was supposed to be in training for at least a week, probably more. By the third day, I was running around by myself in my own full section.
However, being a fast learner is something a lot of people can claim – it really doesn’t do much in terms of distinguishing one apart from the crowd. As much as that title may apply to me, there are a million other people out there who also learn quickly, and probably more so than I.
Fortunately, I have human nature on my side.
Regardless of how quickly one learns a topic, skill, or procedure, at some point they are bound to make a mistake, forget something, or wreak havoc in some (hopefully) small way or another. That’s the human nature part of it: literally everybody messes up. However, how one responds to any given situation is not equal across the board.
Therefore, if I could be so ironically bold as to claim humility as one of my top skills, I would like to do so at this time.
One time, quite early on in my career at that Italian restaurant, I sat a party of six at an open table. Normally this wouldn’t have been an issue; however, that night was ridiculously busy: the kitchen was an hour and a half behind, all the other servers were so far into the weeds that they were practically sprouting their own roots, and (unbeknownst to me) the managers had decided to stop seating people – despite having open tables
As you know from the beginning of this story, I (in an effort to be helpful) seated the party. This resulted in an angry kitchen, angry customers, and very angry coworkers. Rather than blaming my manager for not communicating or using my new-ness as an excuse for not being aware of my surroundings, I acknowledged the mistake as being my own, apologized to all parties involved, served the table to the best of my abilities, and learned painfully valuable lessons in the restaurant’s seating policy.
You see, realizing that one has made a mistake, taking full responsibility, and then responding with humility by apologizing and/or attempting to rectify the situation is not only rare, but it’s also terrifying, uncomfortable, and a breath of fresh air for everyone else involved.
Thankfully I thrive in uncomfortable situations, so you can count on me to own up to my own mistakes and shortcomings. Humility shows that for the situation at hand, I apparently don’t know everything, which simply means that I have even more opportunity to learn (quickly)!
So, there we have it. My top three skills (more or less). Did anything resonate with you? Anything a little too off the wall? Have your own three skills you’d like to share? Drop a comment below, find me on the socials, or send an email to dana.j.arends@gmail.com to start some conversation!