Words of affirmation. Acts of service. Receiving gifts. Physical touch. Quality time.

Which one are you?

In case you’re a little fuzzy on the context of these vaguely familiar phrases, these are the five love languages. Gary Chapman, a friendly neighborhood advice giver, wrote a book about them. The premise is that everybody gives and receives love differently, but there are five main themes encompassing those differences. These differences are significant enough to warrant a whole book, website, like 17 other books, and an app (among other things).

From my understanding, his initial book was aimed towards strengthening marriages (I wouldn’t know because I’ve never read the actual book, oops). Since then, it’s been adapted to apply to any kind of interpersonal relationship that involves feeling known, valued, and appreciated (so. . . all of them). The idea is that many frequent and confounding issues can start to be resolved once you begin to understand how a person is wired inside, regardless if it’s in the context of romance, friendship, family, or even work.

A stereotypical example of this ideology in action would be in the case of a workaholic husband who showers his wife with all the pretty things in the world, but never takes the time to tell her how great of a human she is. She’s got pretty stuff, but is miserable and lonely. Why? She feels loved through words of affirmation, while her husband was displaying love through giving gifts.

Then they both read the book and take the test. He starts saying nice things to her, she starts rubbing his shoulders each night, their marriage is saved and they live happily ever after. Oversimplified? Yes. Slightly nauseating? Also yes. But the underlying concepts still ring true: because they’re finally understanding each other at the core level, they begin to feel truly known.

These concepts are what’s transferable between all those different life situations. In my next post, I’ll give a personal example of how I’ve seen that play out in my own life.

In the meantime, what do you think? Does this very abbreviated overview make sense to you, or do you think Gary Chapman and the whole concept of love languages is just a bunch of froofy nonsense? Let me know what you think in a comment or email!

Lastly, if you’re interested in discovering which love language you might be speaking, you can take the fancy schmancy free quiz here!