Have you ever had a really great idea you were convinced was going to change your life?

Or have you ever heard of a concept that was so simple, yet so insightful, that you were sure that the instant you started implementing it in even the slightest capacity that your life would be instantly transformed?

There’s that moment when an inspirational speaker is giving a message and it’s sending nonstop chills all over and you feel that supernatural rush of energy—you believe in your heart of hearts that you really can do this.

It hits the hardest when it’s an area where you know you really need the help, the change, or the transformation that the idea is representing. You know that what you’re doing right now really isn’t working, so this alternate option is a ray of hope for true change.

That’s how I felt about the whole “budget your time” concept (which I talked about here).

In my mind, it would streamline the whole time-management process, be easy to implement, and fun to go along with because who doesn’t love existing within set boundaries? 

Well, I tried it today and about lost my mind.

The last couple days I’ve been presented with and sought after a variety of projects/money-making opportunities. This morning I attempted to create a time budget to see how much I would be able to invest into each channel. 

I realized, quite quickly, that even if I go to bed at 11pm and wake up at 5am every day—which leaves me about 18 hours of productivity-hours in the day—there still wouldn’t be enough time in each day/week/month to accomplish all I was wanting to accomplish.

To the credit of the budget-your-time concept, I never would have realized this if I hadn’t sat down and started allotting chunks of time to individual endeavors. My MO in the past has been to say yes to everything and pray that I don’t die in the process (which is not really sustainable long-term).

In terms of what’s left of my sanity, it was not a fun exercise. By any means. Every shred of my being wished I had never sat down to try to figure the thing out. Ignorance is bliss, my friend, and also calls for so much less confrontation. 

However, the numbers don’t lie. Actually, they stared back up at me and laughed in my face. The opportunity that I had sought out was simply not feasible given the projected return on time-investment.

This meant that I had to own up to my quick-to-volunteer-my-time-without-considering-the-full-ramifications-of-that-decision-ness, risk destroying a potentially useful connection, and un-volunteering. 

However, the alternative (which the budget made painfully obvious), was that I would have to either not complete projects that I’ve already fully committed to and am in the process of working on, or not fulfill expectations for Praxis. In the case of the latter, I wouldn’t even need to worry about having money to move anywhere because I’d be getting kicked out of the program anyway.

So it was made clear—I had to back out. It was an excruciating step towards fully murdering the unhealthy people-pleasing part of myself. However, immediately afterwards I felt immense peace at the knowledge that I will be able to honor my preexisting commitments. 

And that’s what counts. Any schmuck off the street can agree to and volunteer for every opportunity that comes their way, if even out of guilt and habit. For the majority of my life, I’ve been the schmuck. 

However, it takes true character to successfully complete the tasks at hand with excellence and punctuality even (especially) when things get hard and unenjoyable. This is the part I’m striving towards. 

Today was a small and incredibly painful, albeit significant, step in that direction. I want to be known as someone who follows through—even if it means turning down opportunities in the meantime while I retrain my brain and habits accordingly. 

So, although my little time budget was not helpful in terms of making everything magically fall into place, it was instrumental in showing me the error of my ways. And the truly inflexible nature of time. 

My encouragement to you, friend, would be to not give up on the tool, idea, or process right away just because it’s painful. In fact, if it’s painful you should probably cling even more tightly. The pain shows that your rusted-in-place habits are slowly being wrenched into new, healthier positions. 

Embrace the pain. 

And you can always call me if you need to stress-cry for a while.